Sister Crawford's First Semester

Here it is, one week left in the semester, and I have not updated my professional blog even once in the past 4 months. 

Last week was social media week in my Music Technology course and I heard myself saying things like...

If you have social media, you have to use it.

Consistent posting keeps your followers engaged.

...do what I say, not what I do.  (The worst teaching strategy...ever.)

This has been an absolutely wonderful semester!  I have truly enjoyed every aspect of it: working with students, lesson planning, course design, writing tests, one-on-one consultations, faculty quintet, the bassoon studio, weekly masterclasses, guest artists, student performances.  It has been so much fun and an incredible learning experience.  

My Music Tech course student have to make a Vlog for their final project.  I decided to make one for them to gain the best sense of what I expect of them.  It's a snapshot of this semester and I think it captures all the many experiences I have had here in the BYU-I department of music.  

I doubt that a written summary can do better than that but I do want to collect some thoughts I was having as I walked back from the Faculty Women's Holiday Luncheon.  Little nuggets of wisdom that I anticipate I will use many, many more times during my time here in academia.

• You can do hard things.
• Anything worth doing, is worth doing well.
• Undergraduate music theory is useful.
• Doing things well requires work.
• Yes, you will have to work...for the rest of your life.
• The ability to practice is far more powerful than talent.
• Procrastination is a student's greatest barrier to success - not a lack of intelligence.
• Excuses are not reasons.
• Being present is different from attending.  Both are required.
• Communication is essential.

I think the students here at BYU-I are profoundly fortunate.  They are truly receiving a world class education for pennies on the dollar.  I wish I had been as savvy when I was 18/19/20/21 . 

#whybyuimusic

Summer Project: Values to Live By

One of the advantages of being a musician, like a public school teacher, is the opportunity to spend summers finding projects/work to inspire, learn, and grow.  Last summer, I took on the task of launching a successful fundraising campaign for the Chinook Winds.  Many musicians will find a home in various festival orchestras, returning year after year to make music in wonderful surroundings with a different set of colleagues.  Other musicians fill various music camps tucked away in woods and on lakes all over the world; teaching and mentoring young musicians at every level.  

This summer, in addition to moving to a new city and preparing to start a whole new adventure in academia, I have discovered myself in a most exciting project: The Ken Moses project.  (Title in progress.) This undertaking is a new tab on my blog and a whole new chapter in my life.  

Ken Moses was my very first bassoon teacher - and what a whopper of a teacher!  I think I knew, to a small degree, that I was fortunate to have been able to study with him in the Eastman School of Music community division.  But in the past 22 years, I have come to realize how unbelievably fortunate I was to have begun my training under a masterful performer and educator.  

Ken and I have been exploring his journey as an artist both, as an aid to me in preparing for my new position, but also in a deeply indulgent dream I have had, for more than two decades, to know more about him.  He has existed as a veritable man of mystery in my life and I'm truly overwhelmed that he has thrown open the lines of communication with me to allow me to ask him questions and hear his story.  

In the process of interviewing and transcribing our on-going conversation, I wanted to share some beautiful words he gifted me this past week.

These are the values he lives by and hold's himself accountable to and you can learn more about them at http://www.courageworks.com/

• BE VULNERABLE
  Vulnerability – the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome – is our greatest measure of courage. Vulnerability is at the core of difficult emotions like fear, grief and disappointment, but it's also the birthplace of love, belonging, innovation, and creativity - the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.                                        
• BE BRAVE
  If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fall. Getting back up requires us to turn toward the truth of our struggle and look it in the eye. When we deny our stories, they define us. When we run from struggle, we are never free.                         
• CHOOSE COURAGE
  We are all called to be brave with our lives and answering that call means choosing courage over comfort, choosing what's right over what's easy, practicing our values rather than professing them and leaning into our vulnerability.       
• 
  

What I LOVE about these values is that they are obviously applicable to any person but especially to a performer.

If we applied these 3 values to each performance, how would that performance be transformed? If we applied these 3 values to our journey as musicians, how would our lives and careers be transformed?

Be vulnerable: to your audience! To yourself! Allow the moment to be a manifestation of your work without judgement of your human errors.


Be brave: take on the projects that seem impossible. Chose the repertoire you *think* you can't play. Ask for the help you need. Share your process/fears/triumphs with those who chose to listen. Be brave enough to take risks.


Choose Courage: to take an audition, to apply for a job, to go back to school, to ask for feedback. Choose courage rather than fear.


Ken's story, as an artist, educator, performer, and person is a gift. I'm enjoying the process of learning and following the path he is sending me down: discovering new music, finding old recordings, imagining exotic concerts and wild collaborations.

Being an artist is a life lived with vulnerability, bravery, and courage.

When We Are Too Afraid/Tired/Frustrated to Share

One of my main goals with this blog is to increase the amount of positive content there is on the information super highway regarding musicians and what we do.  At the same time, I want to share the reality of what it's like to be a musician specific to me - a women, a mom, a bassoonist, living and performing in a very unlikely locale. 

Here follows a conversation that I bump up against a lot.

BACKGROUND:  (Read this if you want to know what traveling musicians do.)

Last week was my monthly residency with the Billings Symphony.  Every month of the concert season (September - April) I spend 6 days (Tuesday - Sunday) fulfilling my duties as principal bassoonist of this wonderful orchestra!  My compensation includes a per service fee, mileage, daily per Diem and housing.

It's tricky because I'm already on the road a lot with the Chinook Winds.  Being a homeschool mom means that when I'm not around I either have to find someone to fill my shoes at home, embrace several days with limited homeschooling for our 13 yo son, or bring him on the road with me.  As he gets older and more independent, this becomes easier but, in general, when you are a Domestic Goddess, it's hard to be gone with such consistency.

Last week was a great example of why I dread and look forward to these weeks.  We played Scheherazade...'nuff said.  OBVIOUSLY I wanted in on that!  However, I was out of town the entire week prior in addition to the much anticipated PBS premier event.  I spent 36 hours home, in between trips doing laundry, unpacking, repacking, finishing reeds, prepping teaching materials for private students and university students, and then my son and I hit the road to Billings.  We had great intentions to catch up on a ton of math and finish up reviewing for 2 big finals he has in science and history.

The reality is that the previous week was *SUPER STRESSFUL* and exhausting with the PBS event, a 2-day university interview out-of-state (+travel time), and then filling in for Helena Symphony which kept me away from home 3 more days.  I arrived in Billings, immediately taught a lesson, went to rehearsal, went to bed, woke at 4:30 am, drove 5 hours to Missoula for my university teaching, 5 hours back, played another rehearsal that SAME DAY, and then had the remainder of the week: more rehearsals, 2 more private lessons, 2 performances.  

All of which I am truly grateful for because I'm doing what I chose to do - be a musician. 

I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!

When I wasn't in rehearsal, driving, or teaching, I SHOULD have been homeschooling.  In reality, I slept...like, walk through the door, put down bassoon, crawl into bed, pass out.

Oh, and I took my son to the YMCA to stretch his limbs in the pool the day after he spent 10 hours in the car with me to cross the state for my university duties.

HERE IS WHERE THE STORY REALLY BEGINS: (Read this if you want to know what every musician dreads sometimes.)

Feeling too lazy and unbelievably drowsy, I opted to sit on the sidelines and catch up on reading ("Freak the Mighty" for my son's literature course).  It took every ounce of energy I had to not lay down on the bench and just sleep.  But that would have been tacky and clearly irresponsible, so I kept it together.  With only one person in the pool (#homeschoolers) in the middle of the day, the lifeguard sat down next to me and struck up a conversation.

Let me be clear, he was a SUPER nice guy!  He had nothing better to do and I have no qualms chatting with strangers.  But I KNEW there were going to be a series of questions because, let's be honest, we were OBVIOUSLY out of place.

"You folks aren't from around these parts, are you?"

Skipping school today?
No, we're homeschoolers.
Cool!  
LITANY OF HOMESCHOOL QUESTIONS (no we don't beat our son with the bible and keep him locked in his room)
Do you come here often?
No, we are from Great Falls.
Visiting family?
No, playing with the symphony.
Cool!  What do you play?
The Bassoon
Confused look, lots of miming back and forth, adjectives that are not accurate.
He arrives at the baffling conclusion so many before him have come to.
"Oh, it's like the bass clarinet!"
#nailedit
"I think it's cool we have a symphony...like...it's important...and, like, aren't they taking all that stuff out of schools now?"
Great question!  I'm so tired I want to cry but I am going to have this conversation because at the core of my being I know I have to share with you - with everyone - how important these community based organizations are and how crucial arts education is.

**********************************************************************

Like I said, he was a very nice guy.  I invited him to come to the performances, he couldn't, but maybe someday he will.  I got to talk about how important arts education is, how music is a lifelong skill, etc etc etc.  I know this is important...nay...crucial for my entire profession.

...but sometimes I dread it...

...I mean, really, really, dread it...

...allow me to explain why.

• because I have been on the road for 2 weeks and I'm so tired I want to cry, because it hurts to think, I feel guilty as a mom and wife, and I simply doubt my ability to be articulate.
• because I hate explaining what a bassoon is which is why I often pull out my phone and show a picture.
• because as incredible as my work is, it is also a job.  Like working for the sanitation company or Burger King, it's my vocation.  There are days when I don't like my job.  Yup,. that's the truth.  I do this AMAZING THING and I am SO FORTUNATE, and some days, just like every other person in humanity, some days, I just don't want to go to work.
• because I know that no matter how many times I have this conversation, I will still need to keep having it.  I worry that I'm the only one having it.  I wonder if every musician is as committed to educating the public as I am.  Are we all doing our part?  When you, fellow musician, are on the third plane ride this week and want to sleep but your row companion sees that strangely shaped case, are you giving them the time, despite your exhaustion, to have the conversation?
• because I'm still refining my delivery.  As a trained performer, I'm still working out this particular performance.  Why?  Because of all the amazing, expensive training I have had, no one ever teaches you to talk like this, to talk about this - but they should!
• because I'm afraid that one day, even though it has never happened, someone will laugh and say, "What a waste!  Everything you do, what you believe in, what you fight for; it's a total waste of people's time and money."

The fact that this has never happened is a good sign.  It shows me that we must all be doing something right, something positive, because everyone always agrees.  No matter how afraid, tired or frustrated I am, people always smile and say the nicest things and they always agree that what I/we do is important.

So, even when I dread it, I will keep having this conversation as many times as I need to.