Welcome to My View as a Bassoonist: Bassoonist With a View

Greetings all who have chosen to read these words! 

Welcome to my blog - my "professional" blog - and my thoughts as a professional musician.  I know that blogging has gotten very popular and everyone and their reed has a blog these days.  I have spent many hours reading the blogs of fellow musicians and bassoonists.  Sometime they are great!  Sometimes you spend 10 minutes reading about the taper of a bassoon shaper and experimental hand profiling and you think to yourself, "Oh my gosh!  Why am I reading this?" 

Likely those same thoughts may cross your mind while reading this blog. 

But I hope not!

First, allow me to draw your attention to all my labels featured on the right-hand-side column.  I wrote, in real time, a 17-part series about my quest to win an audition.  If you are currently on the audition circuit, I invite you to experience my auditions as I did.  All the dark and horrid thoughts that accompany too many losses.  If you think you are the only one eating a 1/2 gallon of ice cream in a cheap hotel room whilst watching a Lifetime movie and obsessing about the note you cracked in your Brahms excerpt...well...YOU'RE NOT! 

I've been there, I've done that.  Read it and weep.  More importantly, read my audition posts and learn some valuable lessons about taking and managing the ups and downs a many auditions.  Read them and gain hope!  This industry is not about who is most talented, it's about who works the hardest and sticks around the longest. 

I also posted my notes from the fantastic panelists I listened to while attending the Imani Winds Chamber Music Festival in 2012.  These seasoned professionals gave invaluable advice about navigating the highly competitive world of classical music.  You can find them under the label IWCMF.

Finally, I will be posting new content regarding my work here in Montana, being a bassoonist, and the field of classical music in general. 

My hope for this blog is to be part of a positive campaign for classical music and classical musicians.  I feel like we, as a field, have generated a lot of negativity in the past few seasons with bad press and horrible labor disputes.  At the core of what is wrong with our industry is the horrible realization that the average American doesn't know what we do for a living and certainly doesn't value it. 

I want my story, found in this blog, to share the facts of being a professional musician and the joy of being part of a truly unique profession.  I believe the best thing we can do as musicians is educate, educate, educate!  Whether training young students, creating the next generation of concert goers, or just taking the time to explain to your dental hygienist what a bassoon is; we have a responsibility to create VALUE in what we are doing and in so doing, keep our profession alive.

To that end I present to you my blog, full of my views, Bassoon With a View!

Happy reading and best wishes,
Elizabeth

Most people don't get it - Life as a Freelance/Aspiring Musician

Originally blogged April 12, 2012

Are you still unclear on what I do for a living?

Feel free to get to know me better!

I have to admit that at 31, I'm still amazed by how little people understand about how I spend my time.  Even people who trained in the arts don't really know how freelancers spend their day.  My son thinks I sit on facebook all day...

I can't even imagine what the rest of my family honestly thinks about my "career."

The general public?  At one of my trio gigs a woman asked what we did for a living.  We all smirked and said, "We do this."  She kind of laughed and questioned again, "No, I mean, what do you do during the day?"  Her incredulity that we were "real live" musicians was disheartening.  Especially since she hadn't purchased a ticket to hear our performance.  

The fact is, there are so many careers that are just easier!  That's not to minimize what other people do for a living.  Totally free from exaggeration, I'm confident in saying that being a musician is uniquely challenging.  For many with a bachelors degree from any state university, they will enter their career field earning $40K/year and will see gradual and consistent increases in pay despite changes to their employer.  They will purchase a home, have kids, lease cars, go on vacations, throw money into a retirement account, get an online masters degree from U of Phoenix, earn more money, and barring complete incompetence, continue to advance in their careers.  Certain adjustments may need to be made as the economy dictates but otherwise they will remain employable and maintain their ever increasingly expensive lifestyle.  They will juggle the demands of home, work, church, spouse(s), children, aging parents, and progress through the expected vicissitudes of life.

Then there are musicians.  We have careers that, quite honestly, seem completely ill advised and closer related to an addictive gambler than a well thought out career path.  Racked with huge amounts of debt, musicians will go further into debt competing for jobs that pay $20,000 a year.  They don't buy their first home until well into their 30's (if they are lucky) and when they all but give up - they choose to enter academia but only after getting one more overpriced degree which makes them grouchy and bitter.  Most musicians with a bachelors in music performance will abandon the field, fleeing for greener pastures with a faster payoff in finance, law, computers, and education.  A few who stick it out will win jobs, not always because they are the best but because they held on the longest.  Still fewer will actually land their dream job somewhere in their 30's and then spend the next 30 years fighting to keep their salary while hoping and praying their organization doesn't fold - thus forcing them back into the market with younger, fresher musicians. 

If you want to know what I do for a living, read this:

 http://davidbeem.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/slash-your-local-orchestra/

This is the cliff notes version to what it's like being a professional musician.  It's not a complaint for me.  I feel blessed every day for each gig I play and every check that comes my way.  I'm one of the luckier ones. It's simply reality - it's what I LOVE and have trained to do for almost 20 years.  It's why: I don't volunteer in my son's class, only see a beach and stay in a hotel when I'm on an audition, why we haven't taken a "real" vacation as a family though we have spent thousands on auditions, a trip to see family in Michigan is an exotic vacation and I NEVER go without my bassoon.  All our extras go towards audition flights, a new bocal, and my own ensembles.  It's why at 2:38 today, after a morning gig and before an afternoon rehearsal, I'm cramming in more practice time and reed making.  So I can spend at least one hour tonight with my son before he goes to bed.  It's also why his birthday party was rescheduled 3 times last year and why he hates seeing me walk into my studio on Saturdays and head out for evening rehearsals.  It's not a complaint but it is reality.  At 31 I'm still trying to "get a job." 

This explains why I have stayed in the Army for 12 years despite 4 back surgeries and my constant fear they will just kick me out.

If you wonder why I'm only ever half available or neurotically checking my calendar for double bookings or wonder why you can't always catch me on my phone, don't take it personally!  It's just that I have been pursuing this for a looooooooong time.  I'm not ready to give up.  Until I do obtain something that resembles "the dream job" I'm going to be a little distracted.

Last night I had a reoccurring conductor nightmare, the same one I have been having for almost a year.  Dreams like this are the reason I have insomnia.  Losing 2-3 nights of sleep per week.  Is this serious to me?  You better believe it!  

T he next time you see your local orchestra asking for donations, don't assume it's going to fatten already large salaries for people who "just do it for the love of music."  Remember that these are highly trained professionals who have made incredible personal sacrifices, have alienated friends, missed life events, forgotten birthdays and anniversaries, passed up on "real day jobs" to live like ascetics, have only traveled when an audition came up, and aren't interested in joining in on a family cruise because it will cut into practice time.  We aren't late bloomers, or debauchees, or immature, uninterested in commitment, afraid to take on adult responsibility.  Quite the opposite: we are resolute, determined, disciplined, and have faced years of rejection because we literally live on a hope and a dream that ALL the work will finally pay off...for a job...making $20,000 a year...assuming the orchestra doesn't fold with the next contract negotiation. 

Audition Thoughts Part 15

Originally blogged June 13, 2012

Auditions Part DONE! ...for now...

Where every adventure begins: early in the morning with skies that promise the possibility of anything.
  

We arrived in Omaha just in time to be greeted by torrential rain, an incredible lightening storm, and even hail!  The Boy was beyond excited to see this weather brewing on the outskirts.

The audition went well!  I played all the excerpts and then stood up to leave but was asked to go back to replay the third excerpt (from Brahms 3.)  This surprised me and in that moment I got flustered.  Fortunately I was not nervous for the audition at all - and I did not take the beta blocker.  I was nervous during breakfast and in the car ride over but once I got into the warm up room and then onstage, I really felt fine.

My guru informs me that the panel will only ask you to replay an excerpt if members of the panel intend to vote for you.  These were good indications of a well played audition.  In most of my auditions I have been stopped early (minus Louisiana but having done that one twice, I think they just let everyone play all the excerpts.)    I'm trying to remember if I played all of them for Birmingham.  Maybe.  But this definitely marks the next step in my audition progress.

I had to wait almost 2 hours in the warm up room to play.  That was very a-typical in my experience.  Plus there was ample time in the group room.  Fortunately, I was able to catch up on all the latest audition gossip.  Two of the bassoonists who advanced in Alabama played in my group and both advanced in Omaha as well.  One went on to win the Alabama audition and I imagine, he likely won Omaha as well.  I heard his Alabama audition and it was flawless.  Honestly, it has inspired me to achieve a higher level audition since I heard it a few weeks ago.

I have been cautioned not to listen to what is happening around me in auditions.  While it can be distracting in the moment, listening to others at auditions has motivated me to play better, hold myself to a higher standard and informed my concept of what is popular on the audition circuit.  That is the educational nature of the audition: not just learning from what happens to you on stage but learning from what happens to others.  This is why there is/needs to be a HUGE emphasis on attending auditions.  When you hear and meet your competition - and you see many of the same musicians during one audition season - you learn quickly where you fit in the crowd.

The best part of this audition is that regardless of what happened, I had a job secured for the fall.  Just guessing now, but probably of the 36 bassoonists who attended, they advanced 8 - 10 into semi finals with 1 person winning or 2 people earning a trial.  While those who advanced and those who won likely enjoyed an incredible sense of hard-earned and deserved accomplishment; in the end, only 1 will secure the position.  But of the 8-10 who felt for a moment that they had risen to the top, 9 will head back to school, or free-lance work, or day jobs.  Fortunately, I will begin my first salaried orchestral position in September.  That is the lottery of auditions.  One week you win one, the next week  you don't even advance.  This is why you MUST take as many as you can - for that one day when everything aligns in your favor.  
These are the EXACT things my Guru has been teaching me since my first audition in 2008 and in the four years I have been auditioning, these are the realities I have come to experience first hand.

 

 

This is where every adventure ends: feeling exhausted and burned out.  As usual, it was wonderful to pull into our hazy Salt Lake Valley, unload the car, make dinner in my beautiful new kitchen and simply count the abundance of blessings in our lives.  We are blessed beyond comprehension.

Today officially begins my summer.  Here's my summer activities as they currently stand:

• reed making -  LOTS of reed making, reeds for a principal bassoon player
• orchestral rep prep -  getting all the rep for next season into my fingers
• Trio de Bois rep prep -  tackling Villa-Lobos and preparing for our trip to Juilliard to work with the Imani Winds
• national guard - 'tis the season for outdoor concerts, weekend tours, parades, and lots of drill - always grateful when free lance gigs become sparse and national guard gets busy
• beginner bassoon class in American Fork -  3 weeks of forming the next generation of bassoonists
• renting out our home - finding suitable renters who won't destroy our completely redone property
• renting a new home in Great Falls - finding time to head up there to look for a rental home for the season
• securing a new job for the hubby - no PepBoys in Great Falls so he's on the market and submitting resumes everywhere
• moving - AGAIN!  Packing up and reducing even though we really have very little due to the four others moves we have undertaken since 2007.
• do fun things with the boy - somehow, somewhere we always manage to fit in the fun stuff

I did formally resign from Utah Wind Symphony...but that is a whole other post.  Otherwise, I think my summer should be suitably productive!

Audition Thoughts Part 9

Originally blogged May 21, 2012

 The very pretty view outside my hotel window.

A great complimentary breakfast: banana, bagel, water, juice, beta blocker - well that wasn't part of the comp breakfast.

My best friend, also a bassoonist, taking an audition today as well, in a different city. Texting back and forth about paranoid hotel playing.

A fun note from another SLC free lancer, and fabulous woman and mama, with the MOST PERFECT youtube video ever describing the audition process. Will have to post later.

Accepting that I'm not prepared for this audition but I can still make the rest as beautiful as possible.

Simply knowing I'm not alone. There are several bassoon auditions happening around the country this month and next. A few bassoonists will get lucky and win. Most will return home unvictorious (is that a word? not according to my spellcheck).

At some point, we are ALL having the exact same thought: I hope I'm good enough.

I hope I'm good enough.