BYU-Idaho Sustainability and Advocacy

Edited from original version: Facebook June 8, 2025

GPBC 2025 Panel Discussion:
Performance Anxiety
Lenny Hindel, Barry Stees, Amber Ferenz,
Steve Dibner, Me, John Steinmetz,
Dr. Margaret Fay, Dr. Sasha Enegren

TL,DR: once again, advocate for the ARTS

BYUI Program Sustainability

https://www.byui.edu/academic-priorities/

I did a substantial load redistribution this semester so I could attend two conferences to represent BYU Idaho Department of Music and BYU-Idaho -- and then I took on a new administrative role -- AND THEN we learned that the entire University, including the college of Performing and Visual Arts was under a program sustainability review. The whiplash of joy and inspiration in my field with the stress of fearing the future of VITAL and VIBRANT programs has been a rollercoaster. I have Zoomed into meetings, sent emails, rage cried, and processed with colleagues while trying to soak up learning so I can be a better educator, mentor, collaborator and performer.

And I have questioned, WHY? What's the point if we continue to build a world that seeks to replace humanity with automation?

To that I say:

Get to a concert.

Go to an art gallery.

Take note of all the cool murals you see when you travel.

Drop a few dollars the next time you listen to a busker.

Keep paying for piano lessons.

Attend your 4th of July parade and cheer for the bands.

Sing along to your favorite playlists in the car.

Hum while you work.

Enjoy those movie soundtracks.

Watch short form content.

Learn something on YT.

Color with your children.

Plant flower beds.

Go to a park.

Take in a comedy show.

Dance with your friends.

Participate in community theater.

Attend professional theater shows.

And then ask yourself: where does all this beauty come from?

Artists. Creatives. Creators.

Then send emails, make donations, and DEMAND that the ARTS remain in your communities and especially within education. There are almost 3,000,000 jobs in the fine arts, a multi-billion industry across many disciplines (you can confirm that through the Bureau of Labor Statistics).

Oh! And the arts actually make humans and communities better!

TO MY BYUI students:

We are seeing your posts and hearing your questions and confusion. Your degrees are safe and you will finish them. We are working hard behind-the-scenes to prove (again) that our degrees = abundant careers. We ARE working to innovate and transform. There are over 3,000 students in the CPVA. We want you here! Our programs are excellent and WILL improve as we work to prepare you for careers in 2025 and beyond. This is a review process. It's very complex and we simply don't know exactly what will be determined.

Alumni - look in your emails for alumni surveys and please complete them. Also, be sure we have good contact information for you by going to BYUI Alumni Update Information.

*

We have a college with 80%+ female students, a department with 60%+ female students, and among the highest concentration of female faculty on campus. In addition to engaging in the critical tasks of proving why our programs are credible, we are also facing a less tangible cultural travesty = the professional pursuits of Women.

Bassoon @ BYU-Idaho: Because it's awesome!

 https://www.byui.edu/music/apply

Manhattan School of Music in Great Falls, Montana

Originally posted to FB December 21, 2012

This evening, I had a fun little gig playing "solo bassoon" with a clarinet quartet started by our Principal Clarinetist.  It was at a local nursing home, performing Christmas tunes for their annual Christmas dinner.  As I was warming up, a gentleman at the table closest to us remarked, "That sure looks like a bassoon!"  Since most people can't even identify my instrument, I was delighted to discover he had a background in music.  He told me he had played "a lot of bass drum and cymbals" but that he had occasion to be around bassoons quite often while studying at the Manhattan School of Music ...more than 60 years ago. 

His name is William "Bill" Dolena, a native of NYC, who was a piano major at MSM in the early 1940's.  When WWII broke out, specifically the attack on Pearl Harbor, he enlisted with the Marine Corps band and was sent over seas.  It was then that he played "a lot of bass drum and cymbals" but wasn't often able to get his hands on the piano.  By the time the war ended and he returned to the states, his piano skills had deteriorated substantially.  Sadly, he was never able to finish his studies at MSM with the difficulty of the war.  There's much more to the story, but he ended up in Great Falls, MT where he made a living as a piano technician until the passage of life placed him in a care facility, with his wife - which is where I met him this evening - now 97 years of age!

I can't express how touched I was, discovering another New Yorker, MSM alum and fellow military musician, in such an unexpected place.  My story, though 50 years later, was quite similar.  I was a student at MSM when I joined the Army National Guard Band in New York.  Fortunately, I was able to finish my degree (B.M. 2002) before choosing to go on active duty to perform with Army Bands after the sobering events of September 11, 2001.  It was a joy to perform simple Christmas songs for him, which brought him, and all the residents some holiday cheer.  As I packed up my bassoon to leave, he asked for my name again and said, "I'm going to look you up so us two New Yorkers can go out partying together!" 

Who She Was, Who I Am

Originally posted to FB on May 15, 2023. 

Unplanned travel changes allowed us a brief drive through Altenburg, home of the now defunct East-West International Music Festival in which I played the summer of 2000. Economic abundance seems to continue to pass by this far-flung village. My German language skills were much better 23 years ago. The hotel for the orchestra has fallen into decay but the town's historic charm remains. My heart is filled as I recall the young woman who walked these streets, her dreams and goals. Incredible how different it all turned out. A year later the whole world changed, my aspirations with it. I was 19 turning 20 the summer I came to Germany, brave, naive, hopeful. I had no idea how capable I was, how powerful I could be in my own life, how narrow my vision was for possibilities beyond the one sacred path taught to conservatory students. There are so many words I wish had been spoken to me. Those are the words, the messages, the wisdom I give to my students now. Sometimes I fear obsolescence as I go about my work as a bassoonist in the isolation of eastern Idaho. But the juxtaposition of the woman I am today with the young woman of 2000...lìfetimes have been lived. There is so much to give, to share, to teach, even if only a fraction of it, if any, is absorbed by students. Perhaps this moment is the most important moment of my sabbatical.

New England Music Camp

Originally posted to FB on August 19,m 2023

During the summers of 1995 and 1996, I was privileged to receive scholarship to attend New England Music Camp. This life-changing experience opened my eyes to the possibilities and opportunities available to me as a "pretty good" high school bassoonist. It is where I met Michael J. Burns who deeply inspired me as a young performer. I would subsequently attend the UNCG Honor Band for two years. One of which was lead by the great conductor of the "The President's Own" United States Marine Band Colonel John R. Bourgeois (my first exposure to military bands). NEMC was where I met Kara Dago-Clark and first learned of Manhattan School of Music. The ripple effect of these formative experiences cannot be quantified but highlight the long, circuitous, and adventure-filled road to the career I enjoy today. I'm so grateful to Howard Warner, who met me when he was an adjudicator for NYSSMA all-county in Perry, NY, and encouraged me to WRITE A LETTER to seek admission to the camp (yes, write an actual letter). I'll go one more step back and AGAIN thank Raymond Suriani who encouraged his students to participate in the annual NYSSMA festivals. It was an absolute joy to see the NEMC campus 27 years later and to share it with my husband Ken Crawford who has heard MANY ridiculous stories of my camp adventures.

Trust Your Work

A reflection follows. Originally posted to FB February 29, 2024.

Things I say to students:

Always work with a metronome with subdivisions.

Make a lot of reeds.

Trust your work, accept that things will still go wrong.

Sitting in an airport reflecting on what has honestly been a wildly chaotic week+ leading up to my departure for SHE Festival for a Kari Cruver Medina Sasquatch: Sightings premier and leading a panel discussion "De-bunking the 2-Path Career Myth."

So. Many. Things. Have. Not. Gone. Smoothly.

My rigidity does not like that.

Last minute instrument switch. Trauma-drama at work. Challenging professional communication. TOUGH meetings. Long days, short time. Too many emotions. Some I could control, a lot I couldn't. Which is why the most fundamental skills musically, professionally, and emotionally have felt particularly crucial.

1 - I'm taking 31 reeds for a 5,000 1,500 foot elevation drop and ~30° temperature increase. Excessive? No. With 31 reeds, I am 100% confident that there will be no crisis. I know 1 reed will be perfect and I won't feel badly destroying 10 to get there. (New, old, ugly, pretty, finished, unfinished, every shape, every length, they all get a chance...though some went straight to the grave.)

2 - I'm trusting long-tone work (which I believe is the FASTEST way to learn a bassoon) to ensure I can play a bassoon, that I picked up on Monday, will suit me and respect my quartet colleagues. (After months of trying to find an acceptable solution.)

3 - I'm trusting that efficient and effective practice, with score study, and many markings will allow 2-ish rehearsals to be adequate for 4 pro musicians to pull together 1 peice.

4 - Packed anxiety meds because I accept that I'm fragile around stress. Acceptance.

Lessons learned, lessons taught.

Finally, I AM SO EXCITED to gather with friends and colleagues from around the country for an inspiring weekend of music and learning.

The Story Behind the Music

A reflection follows: the story behind the music. Originally posted to FB March 14, 2024

In 2015, the Chinook Winds Great Falls Symphony were invited to film a 60-minute episode of the Emmy winning 11th & Grant with Eric Funk. I wish I could remember exactly how it all came to be. My iteration of the CW had worked hard for three years performing, engaging, touring, and energizing the community in Great Falls and around Montana. We were embraced by a devoted community, concert presenters, and wonderful audiences. Northeastern Arts Network, Montana Montana Performing Arts Consortium

In addition to our invitation to film with 11th and Grant in the summer of 2015, we were also invited to present a recital at the International Horn Society in Los Angeles and International Double Reed Society in Japan! Outside our contracted activities, we spent the summer raising money in a grass roots campaign. We performed the National Anthem at a Great Falls Voyagers game and Electric City Speedway. We "passed-the-bucket" at community events, sold lollipops, t-shirts, pencils, stickers. We gave pop-up concerts, started on on-line donation page, and I even put a MASSIVE magnet on the side of the minivan. (It lives on my file cabinet to this day.)

We made it to 11th & Grant and to the International Horn Symposium conference that summer. We weren't able to make it to Japan. Many, many people came together to make it all possible and we were so excited to TELL THE STORY of live, classical music in Montana! Montana Public Radio

The night before we filmed this episode, we traveled to Bozeman where we had hotel accommodations. I got sick. REALLY, REALLY SICK. I always travel with a thermometer (I have no idea why). I had a fever around 102 degrees all night. But I was desperate, DESPERATE not to let down my colleagues and ruin this AMAZING opportunity for the CW and the GFSA. I had sadly gone through a miscarriage a few weeks prior and likely was working through some complications or an infection. Melanie was the only member of the CW who even knew about the miscarriage...because she was family. (She always thought of me as a mom...I always thought of her as a sister...LOL!)

In this episode (which I encourage you to watch, because we are AMAZING) I am playing a Légère Reeds which I switched to for the 2014-2015 season because we had to:

- homeschool our son in addition to

- performing with the GFSA

- the Chinook Winds

- the Billings Symphony tenured principal

- the Helena Symphony (subbing/extra)

- about to start teaching at University of Montana -thanks to the gracious Dr. Jennifer Gookin Cavanaugh

I simply could not manage reed making and that Legere reed saved me for an entire season. My colleagues were so gracious, totally absent of judgement that I had turned to a "plastic" reed to help me survive the many demands I was juggling...because they were family. I returned to reed making that fall because I took on a university position and knew I needed to find a way to make it all happen for the integrity of my pedagogy. Natalie Law

I am so proud of this episode. We had a huge premier party which we hoped would make some money. There was a great turnout and we filled the cozy basement of the The Celtic Cowboy. It was amazing to feel so loved and to see the fruits of our labors. Sadly, the premier party netted literally ~$11 once all expenses were paid to host it. I will never forget the meeting in which Carolyn Keightley Valacich ran through the finances with us. I felt so guilty and frustrated about all the work it required. But the GFSA supported the effort and celebrated our work.

This is a long story but it captures the complexity of the passion, work, hopes, sacrifices, frustrations, victories, heartaches, and financial challenges of trying to create art in rural Montana. It was truly an extraordinary time in my career. My gratitude is immeasurable. My heart breaks for I Stand With The Chinook Winds as they sunset the incredible legacy of this ~30-year-old ensemble.

Thank you for reading this whole story (if you are still here) and THANK YOU for supporting live music wherever you are. PLEASE support your local arts organizations, symphonies, art museums, bands, and individual musicians. Don't assume they will always be there protecting the experience of human connection through music and other art forms. It takes a HUGE and INTENTIONAL effort. Please choose to be a part of it, try it, support it, and let it change you.

https://www.pbs.org/video/11th-and-grant-chinook-winds/

Debunking the Myth Within Myself

 A reflection follows. Originally posted to FB November 19, 2023

This memory popped up today.  At the time of this post I was working as a CNA in an assisted living facility in which we lived for "free" in exchange for 20-hours/week of honestly horrible work. (For those in this industry, GOD BLESS YOU!)  We did this to save money, pay off a mountain of debt, and allow me to be an "at home" mom, assuming there would be more children.  I had sold my bassoon, and performed only in the 23rd Army Band UTARNG.  I really believed my "career" was over and tried fervently to find peace and joy in the work of motherhood.  Ken was working full-time, nights and weekends, while completing his degree in auto mechanics.  It was an interesting time in our lives.  Morgan made a ton of developmental progress.  In retrospect, that one fact made the rest worth it.  This period of full-time motherhood/domesticity lasted about two years for me.  

Towards the end of this chapter of my life, I connected with Lori Wike in the process of preparing for an audition - because we were slowly realizing that domesticity was not a long-term plan for me.  Lori agreed to help me prepare for an audition I wanted to take (which I did not win) and spent 2+ hours with me in our first lesson.  At the end of that lesson she asked me what I was doing, a bit unclear.  "Oh, I'm working as a CNA...I was in Army bands...thought I was done with bassoon...but I want to try again.." or something like that. She just looked at me (I will always remember this moment...we were standing at her apartment door, she was holding it open as I went to leave, mumbling about my convoluted activities and hazy goals) and said "You should just be a bassoonist."

No one had EVER said that to me. Certainly not with any conviction or clarity.  When Lori said it, it was as if nothing else could be so obvious: be a bassoonist.  

Have I achieved "fame and fortune" as I ask in the memory?  I mean...kind of...LOL! 😉 More importantly, I have achieved my goals (which change a lot on the path).  Whatever I have achieved, it's because Lori and the network of people (very often women but certainly many others as well) I collected from that point on stood by me as I dug into the work of going after this career.

To anyone (especially my students) who has kept reading this post, keep doing the work! Walk through the open doors! Most importantly, build your network with people who believe in you.  (And do the work, do the work, do the work...)  

Don't accept scarcity.  

Don't believe people who tell you:

- to quit by a certain age

- you have to win an audition by a certain time or in a certain amount of attempts    

- you have to have a certain degree by a certain age

- you have to study with a certain teacher

- only some jobs = success

My friends Robyn Watson Rachel Frederiksen Cassandra Bendickson Haley Houk and I will be presenting on these ideas at the She Festival University of Arkansas in March.  We represent the WIDE spectrum of viable careers in music (but certainly not all) and we're excited to BUST THE MYTHS that continue to perpetuate in our field! Thanks to our network of gal pals (and partners, friends, colleagues) who have allowed us the space to explore these ideas and live these truths.  

Links for Roma Cafolla - IDRS Recital July 30, 2022

You are hearing Solace Sonata for bassoon and piano (complete) and an excerpt of Cantare No. 4 Salice.

Watch the full interview with Roma Cafolla HERE.

Some of Roma's works are published through Forton Music. The rest of her catalog, you can request directly from her: info@romacafolla.co.uk

www.romacafolla.co.uk

Music by Roma Cafolla:

Bassoon

• Capri  Bassoon and Piano
• 6 Cantare  Bassoon and Piano
• Arcanum  Oboe/Bassoon/Piano
• Eyes  Flute/Oboe/Clarinet/Horn in F/Bassoon
• Playaround Series  Bassoon and Piano  Bks 1-3
• Capers  Flute/Oboe/Bassoon
• Etudes Solo Bassoon
• Fantasia  1,2,3, Oboe/Bassoon/Piano
• Bassoon Concerto  Bassoon and String Orch
• Solace  Sonata for Bassoon and Piano
• Cardiff Bay  Bassoon and Piano
• Easy Duos for Fab Players Bassoon and Piano
• Intermediate Duos for Fab Players
• Irish Hornpipes  Bassoon and Piano
• Irish Reels for Bassoon and Piano
• Irish Set Dances for Bassoon and Piano
• Just Me! Books 1-4 Bassoon and Piano
• Tomorrow  Bassoon and Piano

 

Oboe

• Playaround Series Oboe and Piano Bks 1-3
• Sonority  Flute/Oboe/Clarinet/Piano
• Etudes  Solo Oboe
• Cardiff Bay  Oboe and Piano
• Easy Duos for Fab Players Oboe and Piano
• Intermediate Duos for Fab Players Oboe and Piano
• Irish Hornpipes for Oboe and Piano
• Irish Reels for Oboe and Piano
• Irish Set Dances for Bassoon and Piano
• Just Me! Books 1-4 Oboe and Piano
• Loch Eske  Oboe and Harp or Piano

 

Quintets for Fl/Ob/Cl/Bass/Hp or Pno

• Cardiff bay
• Macushla
• Sleep Peaceful
• Sugar and Spice
• Will O’ the Wisp

Baroque Bassoon Bonanza #2

 Again, this is not really a Bonanza but it is so fun to alliterate!

I had my second lesson with Andrew Burn this week and learned that Switzerland changes Daylight Savings Time two weeks after we do in the United States - I had no idea.  

Working intentionally to practice this past month revealed many things:

• it's challenging to carve out time for a "new" endeavor
• it's challenging to motivate myself for an endeavor at which I am not "good"
• it's challenging to think musically when I'm struggling with fundamentals
• FUNDAMENTALS, FUNDAMENTALS, FUNDAMENTALS
• while the Baroque bassoon is a different instrument from my modern bassoon, and should be treated as such, the approach to learning is the same
• reeds...

Andrew has been working to help me sort out my reeds.  I have three reeds that were supplied to my by Leslie Ross and a fourth reed which I purchased from a Baroque reedmaker in Canada.  None of these are easy to play on for various reasons, pitch and response being the biggest issues.  Andrew graciously sent me four of his old reeds to get a sense of their potential for matching my instrument.  They worked well and were appropriately pitched which was a huge relief.  My proposal for my sabbatical includes learning Baroque reedmaking but I must admit, I'm so overwhelmed with learning the instrument and the performance practice, it's hard to imagine at this point how I will also manage learning reedmaking.  

Our lesson together went well enough.  Andrew performs and teaches at a level vastly superior to where I am currently playing or even at which I have knowledge.  It's wonderful to hear him play in lessons, the nuance of style, character and rhythm is immediately beautiful.  Unfortunately, I'm still so mired in the logistics of playing, I'm not able to respond and make quick adjustments in my lesson.

This is a crucial illustration of an ongoing challenge I have with my own students.  One of my single greatest frustrations with my teaching is feeling vastly underutilized by most of my studio.  I want to to talk about making beautiful music.  In reality, I spend most lessons with students reminding them to flick, half-hole, fix fingerings, adjust reeds, model practicing; living in the world of fundamentals.  But in this process I'm reminded that they are struggling with those fundamentals and therefore cannot jump ahead to the communication of beautiful music.  

One of my goals for this sabbatical is to ponder this quandary: how can I get my students to master their fundamentals earlier in their studies (though we never abandon fundamentals) so that we can get to music-making.  This is a process addressed each semester but also within the arc of 8 semesters of collegiate study.  Determining when in each lesson, when in each semester, and when in their total studies I stop hearing the minutiae of scales, technique etc and pass that responsibility over to them to manage on their own so that we can spend more of our time together working on the music made possible by robust fundamentals.  As part of that careful process, when and what repertoire to select that challenges and compliments their foundational work without overwhelming.  

This week's lesson with Andrew demonstrated that I have made progress on the instrument, finding more clarity in my tone, improved intonation, and early attempts at ornamentation.  He also encouraged me to do some needed repair work to the instrument to fix the stuck low b-flat key on my own which is pictured below.  Finally, a recording of my current progress.