Edited from original post, Facebook April 30, 2025 - be sure to read about what happened next.
TL,DR: I'm the new Associate Dean of Student Success in the BYU-Idaho College of Performing and Visual Arts (Music, Dance, Theater, Visual Art) and I went after it.
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| A screen shot of a humble announcement. |
*TRIGGER WARNING* - “Ambitious” Woman (insert gasp and pearl clutching)
A Reflection:
A few of my colleagues/friends might be shocked (appalled?) to read this. But, as my reflection posts seem to have some kind of interest to my network, I share here the story of becoming an Associate Dean and working through professional pivots. (This will be different from the @fempower post if you already read that.)
I made a very concerted effort to secure a new job this year, applying to three positions at different universities. I even gained some traction from one. The other two didn't respond to my materials - a sad tradition in higher education despite the effort of time it takes to curate and submit materials.
I also resigned from work with two different orchestras. I currently have no orchestral gig-work for the first time since... ever?
Why? Great question, I'm glad you asked. Because, as is common for many when you are mid-career, I thought maybe I had one more BIG REACH in me. I had/have frustrations that I felt would never be resolved in my current work. Musicians are trained to play higher, faster, louder and this manifests for me in my career aspirations: influence, inspire, produce! (But using my powers for good!) It was time to either prove to myself that 20+ years of work across many areas of the music industry were of interest to anyone else. The answer is: NO.
*BTW, if you are reading this and you are trying to catch the eye of a new employer and having a hard time, just remember: 20+ years is also a hard sell for various reasons. Stick with it. My husband calls it the bar theory: you proposition enough people, someone will say yes. (He has such elegant metaphors.)
My closest friends/colleagues listened to me swing the full spectrum of: I have to get out of here -- I will never get out of here -- I need to show up in a new way. This meant stretching myself professionally in a different modality. For the first time, it wasn't going to be as a bassoonist, it was going to need to be in a new direction within the work I currently have.
Within my rather fiery nature, I find it hard to watch or be acted upon by circumstances not of my making. But in a large bureaucratic environment, you have to be sitting in the right rooms with the right people to have any hope of pushing change in meaningful ways.
~Three years ago, our faculty survey revealed that female faculty were suffering from critical levels of burnout. ~Two years later, that level had increased in female faculty while male faculty burnout had decreased. Our university President decided to create a task force to go after this deeply concerning issue. When they solicited for college representatives (for me that is the College of Visual and Performing Arts: Music, Dance, Theater, Visual Art) I jumped at the chance and was given the opportunity. As a Presidential Task Force (now transitioning to a committee with no end date) we suddenly had access outside the normal framework. This has allowed us to take meaningful and actionable steps. It’s a very exciting space that I can already see pushing the needle in the right direction across 5 areas of focus.
Advocate for Women. Check.
For seven years, I have chaired the Student Success Committee in my department - and I love it! We have the mandate to create co-curricular activities for students during their studies and as they transition to their next steps. I want many things for my students but top among them is connecting their passion for music with a VIBRANT career aligning with their goals. It is my belief that a college education should indulge your passion, fuel your knowledge, and lead to a lifetime of work that provides for you economically.
When it became clear that I was going nowhere, I decided I needed to get activated for my students in a much larger way. I set a meeting with my Dept Chair and ended it by stating, “I don’t know how this process works but I want to state unequivocally, I want to be the new Associate Dean of Student Success for our college.” He was supportive.
THE VERY NEXT DAY our college dean was in my office (I call it Bassoon Land and it’s a very fun place). We chatted for most of an hour and I’m not embarrassed to admit that I made a high power sales pitch for the position that several people were being considered to fill. But here’s the truth, in the culture of our campus, MANY faculty treat positions like a “calling” to which they have to say yes… and then they complain. When an acquaintance of mine shared with me last fall that they had been made Assoc Dean of Student Success in another college and then said to me, “I didn’t want it.” I was GUTTED! This is such important work and it killed me that the opportunities were being given to people who didn’t have interest.
The process moved very quickly as the person I was replacing had a pressing need to be replaced after working as Assoc Dean for ~6 years.
*Let’s make a distinction between a work position within a contractual agreement and a service calling. One is paid, one is not. Let me know if you disagree and let’s discuss.
Synchronicity worked its magic and the position was offered to me.
Then I found it very interesting that in sharing my news, I was met with various levels of “My condolences.” That was sad to me and I started responding, “No, I asked for this. It’s important to me.” Such interesting reactions to my statement that, I’m relieved to say, were all eventually supportive . But they represented to me how pervasive the practice of, “Let’s throw out an invitation to a few to be a change-maker and see who acquiesces.” Malicious? No. Unintentional? IMO. Is there far greater nuance to these decisions that I am not sharing here: OF COURSE. I know I’m being reductive.
(Did I write an entire article about Intentional Mentoring with very compelling statistics? Yes, I did! Because, as mentioned several times already: it’s really important to me.)
In summary, I am EXCITED and PROUD to share a screen shot that in no way says I’m Assoc Dean but it’s inferred. Also, an email that mentions it. It’s OK. Not everyone is jazzed up about admin work. No shade. We all have a place and purpose and all of us are essential.
Advocate for Students: Check.
I will remain in my position as Professor of Bassoon, Music Technology, and Chamber Music.
Advocate for Bassoonists: Check.
I refuse to accept that this is the kind of pride and ambition so often indicted by many voices. I state: when you want to change something, when you want to do work you care about, you have to go after it. Does the needle get pushed so very slowly? Yes! But imagine if we never tried? It’s a risk I don’t want to take with my department, college, and university.
Ask me again in about five years.
